A Lost Lifetime
by The Readers Muse
Summary: Gilbert Grissom gets a second chance at love, when he finally realizes what he stands to loose.
1. Chapter 1

**Authors note:** Hello everyone, this is my first attempt at writing CSI Las Vegas fanfiction. I have written a few other fic's in various other sections (See my profile), but have lurked the stories on this show for a few years now. This is my first chapter, please read and review and let me know if you want to see chapter 2 and possibly beyond. The idea for this story simply came to me, and I have been flying by the seat of my pants ever since. It was inspired by Season 7 episode 17 "Fallen Idols" and the previous episodes mentioning Grissoms sabbatical. This is going to be a **Sara and Grissom** fiction. But there might be some tid-bits of Warrik and Catherine. Basically cause I want to smack Warrik around for the Tina thing, as brief as it was ... But I digress!

**Disclaimer:** I do not in any way shape or form own any of the plot, characters, etc. They belong to whoever owns 'em. I just took the general idea for a test jaunt. So, don't sue me...not that it would be beneficial, as I am a poor college student, yadda yadda yadda.

**Other Story Related Issues:** If you want to add my story to your site or what not, thats fine, I'd be flattered, but please PM me first for permission.

**A Lost Lifetime Journeys End**

There was only one thing dominating his mind...Sara. _His _Sara. Well not completely his, but oh how he hoped someday. 'What a blind, stubborn fool I have been.' He berated himself. 'A damn old fool! A coward!' Four solid weeks of mentally beating himself up. If his scientific mind didn't assure him this was impossible he would have thought his heart and mind were beat to a bloody pulp.

He rubbed his hands across his tired face, his beard softly tickling his palm. He was weary with long hours of plane travel. He felt absolutely bone weary, there past weeks had taken a noticeable toll on the handsome CSI supervisor. Long sleepless nights had filled his days. Drive to escape his ever-present internal guilt and doubt he fled to find solace in nature. But even mother earth and her many wonders held no allure for him anymore. He ended up taking out his frustration, and pent up self-disgust on the university's gym and the woody running path's criss-crossing the shallow forest that surrounded the campus. He had even started to eat vegetarian style, primarily as it was the only food the kitchens cooked that he felt was safe to eat without breaking out his kit and testing it for poisons or other impurities.

While his sabbatical had been immensely enjoyable, and the break and change of pace had been much needed indeed. It had given his mind time to dwell on this indescribable woman. He had been holding back for so many months, the thoughts of her has always been conveniently swept aside by pure exhaustion, or the engrossing drama of Las Vegas' darker side.

God help him, but he loved her. It was more than lust, more then just a passing passion. He truly loved and cared for her. He could even pin down the time in which he has felt this way for her, and that was in San Fransisco all those years ago. He feelings for her had only grown since. And he had knowingly scorned her! But yet she still loved him. Even after the distance, avoidances, and dismissals for dinner, she loved him still. How? He could not even begin to fathom. During this time, where his mind plotted against him, his mental barriers had crumbled. Much like her face had, upon his rejection for dinner, and his abrupt departure...oh how he wished he could rewind time! But he had now realized all his excuses and rationalities of why they shouldn't, why _he_ shouldn't were a load of bullshit. Plain and simple.

Work complications? That could be easily worked around. Love? Oh for that blessed second chance at love! Age? Well, Sara wanted him, surprisingly, unbelievably. He was no fool, he knew her heart and body longed for him. Lord, just thinking about her made him want to...

"Your drink sir?" The chirpy flight attendant exclaimed, beaming down at him, throughly breaking him from his musings. How, in all the world could, at three in the morning, any person be so happy and awake to be fluttering about thousands of miles in the air was beyond him. In fact he noted the attendants in first class seemed to be made of a different caliber then those in coach. Shaking his head in tired bemusement he accepted his ordered "pick-me-up" and slipped it carefully. Grimacing slightly as the harsh kick of vodka slithered down his throat, followed quickly by the soothing cranberry flavor. Vodka and cranberry, his anxious drink of choice.

A few fruitless hours later, pursuing his worn copy of "Insects of Samoa: A description of the Environment", the plane landed in sunny Las Vegas. The early morning rays already setting itself up for another blistering desert day.

Waving down a cab, he arrived at his townhouse, feeling eager for home. As empty and lonesome as it was, but he wanted the comforting familiarity of home. Key clicking in the lock he opened the door and was immediately assaulted by an unmistakably female scent. Lilac? Wolf-like he sniffed the air, attempting to identify this scent that smelt, oh so familiar. A yellow piece of note paper on his kitchen counter caught his eye. Placing his suitcase on the tiles of his small kitchen, his eyes devoured the familiar flowing scrip upon it.

_Gil, _

_I took the liberty to feed your bugs and water your plants. I hope that was alright. You never asked me to, but since I had your key and you left in such a hurry I wasn't sure if you had already made plans, or just forgot to ask._

_Hopefully your course went well. We have a lot to talk about when you get back._

_Sara._

Sara! He hardly knew what to think. Firstly, how in blazes did he manage to leave without asking her to watch the house? Secondly, her ...command...no request? To talk? That sounds good ... he thought. At least she still actually wants to talk to me. She must have been here at the end of her shift before going home. Air tight rooms, that why her scent had lingered. The note fluttered lightly down to the counter top as he mentally berated himself. 'I am still on vacation! Stop being the CSI! And secondly, shut up brain! I don't need _those_ thoughts...they always end in a frigid shower..'

Sighing deeply, he padded through the living room, divesting himself of his thin jacket on the couch, tossing it carelessly aside.

He quickly stripped down to his boxers, and climbed into his bed gratefully, sighing deeply, and for now, until his dreams, contentedly, elating at the feel of the cool sheets against his bare skin. Quickly, he slipped into sleep, and into nagging dreams filled with the smell of lilacs and her voice calling out for him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Authors Note:** Thanks for all the wonderful reviews so far! The response in the first day alone was incredible. I guess you guys really do want another chapter hmm? Hehe. Well here it is, please enjoy and make sure to review to give me feed back – As I am always looking to improve.

**A Lost Lifetime – In the Absence of the real thing...**

Exulting in the cool, smooth feel of the silk sheets that enwrapped her lithe form, she let her legs wander the silkiness of the material. Fingers soothing the ridges of the small waves that had formed once the silk had settled over her body. Now Sara Sidle, the vivacious and cunning CSI, knew why Catherine had said that every woman deserves to have silk sheets. Maybe she would up her advice to some sexy lingerie on her next shopping trip, she thought, grinning like a Cheshire cat. Her last thought before sleep overcame her was, it had to be something that would knock Gil's socks off.

That night she dreamt of making love with Grissom. She woke, hours before her alarm in a hot sweat, a heated pit of throbbing, unreleased arousal warming her. Her whole body felt alive and tingling. Collapsing back into her silk covered pillows she sighed and said softly, "Gilbert Grissom, the things you do to me..." Settling herself in a comfortable position, and snuggling back down into the sheets she let her mind gear up for the day, while she closed her eyes, desperate to return to back to the more peaceful, and some what erotic nature of her dreams.

God. She wished she had the strength this early in the morning to smack herself. She had loved him for so long. She had felt the connection, that spark the day they had met. She knew somehow that he was the one for her. Her soul mate perhaps? It sounded corny even in her head. It wasn't as though she hadn't tried, but her dinner advances and numerous attempts to get him to open up to her had repeatedly crashed and burned. But oh, they had something, something deep and intimate. She felt it in his every touch, no matter how professional or brief, it always lasted a few seconds too long to be merely a friendly pat. The simple, yet so intimate word of "Hunny" while she had sat on the concrete barrier, watching the blood pool in her palm after the lab explosion. He had come to her, waking her from her daze with that simple word. His body partially pressed against hers, as they worked on a theory, her back pressed against the sheet. She could feel his breath on her neck, the smell of his cologne wafting pleasantly into her nostrils. Even the feel of his hands on her arms, gentle yet strong. She could feel him tense and swore his breathing sped up before he released her. So many times the sexual tension between them was almost tangible, touchable.

She kicked at the sheets of her bed in frustrating as she recalled the latest heartbreak. His leaving for sabbatical. It was so abrupt and hardly a farewell sent her way. It was as though he was desperate to escape. Escape from her? It had felt like it that night. She came home from shift, tears blurring her eyes. Without even removing her shoes she turned on her music system to random and had collapsed on her couch, sobs muffled by the throw pillows. When she sobs had finally shuddered to an uncertain stop, and she became aware of the world again, she stood, feeling overcome with frustration and a certain degree of simmering anger. She had taken it out on her punching bag, her councilors suggestion of a healthier way to let out her frustrations then the bottle.

_**-Flashback to 4 weeks previous – Night of Grissom's departure-**_

A sheen of sweat already covered her agile body. Her fists taped for protection, she wailed on the punching bag letting it all out. _Damn you Grissom...damn you. _

As she has worked over the bag, snatches of the haunting melody of the song playing on her music system spurred her on in her fury.

_Would you mind if I hurt you?_

_Understand that I need to ..._

The stubborn man. She knew they had something, he knew that had something. She had practically done everything she could think of, barring throwing herself at him to get him to see it.

_I know I'd better stop trying_

_You know that there's no denying_

_I won't show mercy on you now._

Oh and he knew! He KNEW that had something. She had seen it in his eyes every time he looked into hers. His cool ice blue eyes seemed to search for the answer in her eyes. When all the while she offered him her heart right before him. Was he afraid? Of love? Or her? ...or Both?

_I know I should stop believing_

_I know there is no retrieving_

_It's over now._

_What have you done?_

Was love something that was too foreign for him? Was science his only solace? She refused to believe it.

_I've been waiting for someone like you._

_But now you are slipping away_

_What have you done_

_Why, Why does fate make sure suffer?_

_There is a curse between us_

_Between you and me_

Exhaustion hit then, and she leaned against the swinging bag, becoming one with it's swaying mass. Letting the words of the song, slow and soft now to wash over her.

_I will not fall_

_I won't let go_

_We will be free_

_When it ends..._

It was in those lines that she decided to give Gilbert Grissom one more chance. To give her heart one more chance at the man and the love that she longed for.

_**-Back to present-**_

Stretching in her bed, spline, with her arms and legs stretching out like points on a compass, she rose from her bed. Padding quietly to the kitchen, her bare feet slapping slightly on the hardwood of her kitchen floor. Dressed only in a long t-shirt, she set about making coffee, humming along with the radio as she twirled about doing her morning routine to the beat of the music.

He would be arriving back home in the next few days. And she had already put her plan into action. Buying silk sheets...though she had to admit they were mainly for her, could only be a plus later on. The note she had left that very morning after shift. With the slightly cryptic message of having "a lot to talk about". Grinning slightly as she imagined the confused, or maybe even slightly panicked look he might have on his face after reading it. Served him right after sending her that cocoon, with no message. But she had to admit that cocoon, even though it had no message, had filled her with hope. The whole box spoke that there was something important missing. She almost felt as though he might have written her a long letter, explaining himself. Something...something other then an empty box. She felt too that the cocoon might symbolize something. A new start perhaps?

Even though it might be wishful thinking she had been excited and buoyant the entire week. Her million wat smile gracing the department. The other CSI's basked in the proverbial glow, sensing a change in her usual impersonal air. It was like a return to the old times.

Hours later, as the sun began to die in the sky, and the first tendrils of darkness climbing into the evening sky. She drove to the diner to meet the team for an early dinner before night shift began. Another deadly night (no doubt) on the busy Las Vegas strip.

**Authors Note:** The song used in Sara's flashback is called: "What have you done now" By Within Temptation. A truly awesome band. I thought those snippets of the song really expressed Sara's feelings on the matter. As well as the roller coaster-like ride that is their relationship.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer:** I do not in any way shape or form own any of the plot, characters, etc. They belong to whoever owns 'em. I just took the general idea for a test jaunt. So, don't sue me...not that it would be beneficial, as I am a poor college student, yadda yadda yadda.

**Other Story Related Issues:** If you want to add my story to your site or what not, go for it. But PM me and ask me first.

**A Lost Lifetime – A Smelly Situation**

Las Vegas' sparkling, but often deadly night life was in full swing by the start of her shift. Once again,the enveloping darkness of mankind drew her in for her latest bout of brutal crimes.

The day was already beginning once again when she tromped back into the lab, bone-weary and dirty. Clad in a blue CSI jumper, and smelling of various forms of refuse, Sara's lips seemed turned into a perpetual pout. As she moved deeper into the lab, getting the knowing stares from those who passed her by, she felt significantly unsexy. Which only deepening her pout. 'Damn all garbage dumps to hell!' She grumbled. 'Well at least it wasn't a decomp' run.' She told herself, in a vain attempt to find something good out of her smelly situation. She went to the evidence vault and handed a portly looking man, whom his name she could not recall, her evidence bags. She she exited they exchanged pleasant goodbyes, and she was soon smiling again as she headed back out to the main hall, and hopefully to a blissful, cleansing shower.

_**Grissom's POV**_

He hadn't been able to restrain himself any longer. Though he wasn't sue back to work for two more days, he found himself no long able to stand the lonesome aura of his townhouse. For so many years it had been his sanctuary from the world. Now, it had turned on him, becoming his prison. All his interesting books and specimens could no longer hold his attention or divert his mind. He need to see her. So, that is how they met each other in the hall way, him grabbing her attention, and her whirling to face him.

'Ah.' He sighed. Just seeing her beautiful face made him feel ten times better. Not even garbage diving could make her any less amazing. In fact, the smudge on the side of her nose looked positivity adorable. 'Adorable?' He asked himself in confusion. 'Do I use the word 'adorable?' Shrugging internally he focused on the object of his desire. Sara...

_**Sara's POV**_

For a minute Sara thought her heart had completely stopped. She struggled to keep her voice normal as her mind raged, an internal tornado of turmoil. She managed to choke out a greeting before succumbing to her thoughts. 'Holy shit! - He is here! Back. He is back EARLY! Why? When? - Oh my god. I have no idea what to say. Even worse! I look terrible! I'll bet he can smell me from here!' She thought, mind absolutely whirling. She noticed his lips were moving, and she zeroed back in on his words. 'Damn he looked good.' She mused, letting her eyes roam of his body. She blushed as he noticed her stare. She wondered suddenly if she might be drooling, the way he stared at her face, those baby blues just searching her face, man... what a smile.

_**Grissom's POV**_

It seemed as though they were in the mists of a hesitant, but intimate dance. He stepped forwards, she stepped back. She leaned closer and he baulked. Even their conversation was akin to a sparing session, with long pauses and words veiled with hidden meanings. He felt as nervous as he had the first time he had attempted to ask a girl out in college. Finally said: "So I'll see you later?". Her quick, husky reply of: "Yes, you will." Ran a chill down his spine. He had almost choked as her eyes had ran over him, settling on his face with a knowing grin as she had turned away. 'The minx!' He thought, deep in thought as he retreated to his office. 'What is she up too?"

_**Later - End of Shift**_

The shift had ended up becoming another whirl-wind of a night. The miniature killer had left yet another ominous message, another horrific work of art. 'What a way to get welcomed back to work.' He thought with a sigh. He couldn't shake the feeling that this killer had him completely out of his element. This guy was smart, so far much smarter then any of them. They needed to catch this guy before he struck again, ending even more lives. Kneading fingers into his aching right temple, he chanced a glance at the clock. It was late, later then he expected it to be. So much for just "checking in." He thought ruefully. Sighing he finally put down his magnify glass and packed his briefcase up for home. He thought he might do something different for a change. Maybe rent a movie? He felt like doing something ...not Grissom-like as Greg might put it. Unfolding his weary limbs from his chair he turned towards his book case, intent on selecting a few texts to return home. In mid-decision, as to which book to take he felt a breezy, light touch close to his neck, like fingers delicately scrapping at the skin right below his neck... It felt divine. He gulped as the caress came again. Tingling the skin deliciously, those fingers, they felt like he had imagined Sara's might be. Soft, yet strong. He could almost imagine her form behind him...wait...was that lilacs he smelt?

_**Sara's POV**_

The most perfect opportunity had presented itself to spur her plan into action. She had come, to search him out for a talk when she had come upon him with his back turned. He was bent down slightly, head tilted forward as he searched his bookcase. She just hadn't been able to resist the stretch of skin, tanned and slightly freckled that was revealed. She brushed her fingers over it, ghosting the surface. She felt his reaction immediately. She heard his intake of breath, and gulping of air. She felt the tremor of his muscles underneath her fingers. God. He was beautiful.

Slowly, he turned his head, meeting her eyes. For a long minute they simply stared at one another, eyes boring into the others.

"I missed you Sara..." He breathed across the small space between them. God, she loved it when he whispered her name like that. When he said it like that, it seemed like he felt she was something precious, foreign...She was so close she could smell his cologne. She leaned in a little closer, breathing in deeply. She saw a little pink blush spread over his cheeks, stealing down his face to disappear into his salt and pepper beard.

_**Grissom's POV**_

God. Her hand was still slowly caressing that spot. They were inches apart. Her scent and proximity was sending his mind for a loop, he felt almost dizzy with her. God. What she was doing to him with just a look and a touch. Lord...

"Sara...I nee--" He began. But was stopped dead by the sizzling, sultry look she gave him. He knew his mouth was slightly agape. But he was stunned, he knew he had to say something...apologize, tell her the truth. Heck, saying anything at this point would be a plus. But he could hardly think in a straight sentence!

Her lips were a light, warm shade of ruby, they were slightly parted, the tip of her tongue just visible. He leaned forward, almost unconsciously. He felt his body react to their intimate proximity, his pants becoming a tad bit uncomfortable as he watched her tongue flick out, moistening her lips. He couldn't help but groan aloud. His voice hoarse and rough as he whispered again, "Saarrra.."

_**Sara's POV**_

She had almost lost it when she had heard him groan aloud for her. God the man was down right sexy. She was enjoying every minute of exquisite torture she was laying upon him. Absolutely delighting in his every reaction. She slowly slid her hand down from his neck, sliding it slowly down in the direction of his chest. She heard him suck in a breath abruptly, leaning her towards her. They were only mere millimeters apart now. She fancied she could hear the loud, frenzied beat of his heart...

Suddenly they both heard clattering footfalls echoing up the corridor. They violently tore apart, both flushed and breathing heavily. Eckile was stalking up the hall, his nose in a file. Thinking fast, Sara leaned in, and purred into his ear. "This isn't over..." before sweeping away from him, to stand across the room. When Ecklie entered the room, his customary grimace in place, Sara appeared to be deep in thought in her examination of Gilbert's pig fetus.

Out of the corner of her eye she watched as Ecklie greeted an obviously flustered Grissom. She grinned to herself as Eckile proposed to bring Grissom up to sped on the latest cases as they walked to their cars. He had stuttered slightly as he had agreed, leaving with Ecklie moments later. Casing her a heated glance as he passed.

She grinned, wishing she could high five herself at her victory. As she thought about her next move her eyes caught on his desk.

In his rush to leave he had forgotten his briefcase... Sara smiled, and walked to her car, his briefcase in hand.

**Additional Authors Note:** I am on the look out for a **Beta** for my CSI ficlets. If anyone wants or has time for the job I'd love it! Just PM me for details.


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